Outside for the first time in 4 days

 

 

 Mr. Blue Eyes  is just not stable enough for walking, so we hold him tight when we walk.  He had not been outside since we got home from the hospital. The first time I took him out was to look at a wood pecker and then to help water plants.  His brothers washed out the wagon so he could ride along.  Before he got in the wagon, he went with me to water all my dead plants in the wanna be garden... and before I knew it, he was in the mud.  He loves to be dirty and wet.  Next came the watering and then, of course, with three boys and two hoses —  Water Everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I ran and got the cover for his picc line and let him play for a few minutes.  He was so full of life for just a few moments running in the water with nothing and no one stopping him. That is how I see him when he is healed... free and full of life again!  However, tonight  the magnitude of what is happening to sweet Blue Eyes is finally hitting him. When his brother complained and told Mr. Blue Eyes  he was so lucky to be getting all this attention and cool stuff, he told his brother that he was miserable.  My heart aches for all of them trying to find their place in this family with so much going on and so much not normal. Just like that I went from a spiritual high to a place of deep suffering for the heart of my son, who is just now understanding that having cancer is not fun, and for his brothers who still are trying to find their place in all this and accept the care and attention that must be given to Mr. Blue Eyes at this time.  I love them all so much. I wish I could help them by waving a magic wand.  

So in the dark hour I found this and reflected about its meaning. I want to be that one that has not just suffered but has learned from suffering.  So tomorrow will be a new day and the sun will shine on us all once again.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable” (“Lindbergh Nightmare,” Time, 5 Feb. 1973, 35).

Certain forms of suffering, endured well, can actually be ennobling. Annie Swetchine said, “Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all” (quoted in Neal A. Maxwell, We Will Prove Them Herewith [1982], 123).