Strength

I open my mouth to share, I look up numbers, I compose emails......nothing happens. I feel as if I am frozen. Maybe that is why you are reading this for the first time and you did not even hear it from one of us. I have a voice that does not speak.  

In the past I have heard news like this before. It always made me hold my kids closer, weep, pray, and count blessings.

Part of it is denial; if I don't say it, it is not happening. If I don't share, you will not hurt with us.  I am working on finding my voice to share openly instead of hiding my terror behind a text or this blog. However, for now, it is the only voice that works.

Last night we had some pretty amazing prayers in our home. They were special priesthood blessings (see lds.org) given to Corban and myself, calling upon the powers of heaven. For Corban, consecrated oil was used for healing the sick (James 5:14-15).  It has really brought peace and hope. I could feel the strength of God behind every word my husband spoke. He blessed the doctors to be inspired with treatment plans and insights special for Corban. He blessed Corban to be strong and happy. I was blessed with strength to support Corban and our family and with the ability to accept help...

This morning Corban still has a headache, but is better than yesterday. :) I sat with him, stroking his cute head. I asked him what we are doing tomorrow and why we are going to the hospital. He replied, "I have cancer. It is lymphoma...I am going to get really strong medicine, and I cannot remember what it is called." Corban then asked, "Can cancer go away on it's own?" I told him that it usually does not, but that would be really cool if it did. I asked if he had any questions. He said, "Do you think I can bring How to Train your Dragon to play it at the hospital? Usually there is nothing good on T.V.. Oh, and Mom, are they doing surgery???" I replied, "Definitely no surgery, and yes, bring the show and we will see." He gave me one of those adorable smiles that he flashes, so happy that at least he did not have to have surgery.  He then said,  "I am not toooo scared anymore." 

This is him at one year. He always smiled with an open mouth; his smile was just too big to keep it closed. LOL!  I think inside he still smiles the same way.

This is him in true form — undies on backward showing his battle wounds. We all had a laugh over this. Mr. Blue Eyes said, "Stop making me laugh; it makes my headache worse." It was not us that put our underwear on backwards. Well, I haven't actually checked myself, so perhaps I have.... This week anything could have happened.

  Laughter is a medicine I cannot live without.