Taking brother toTreatment #5

 Mr. Blue Eyes brought his youngest brother to chemo/clinic today. I researched it a bit and found that it is helpful for siblings to see what they do. 

Can I just say two boys are nothing but trouble! 

What was I thinking? It was nothing but burps and loud laughter. They must get the burping from their dad and the laughter, well, that just might come from me. When we got into see the doctor, Mr. Blue Eyes announced that they had been burping during the blood draw. Doc was speaking with a Spanish accent today and informed Mr. Blue Eyes, while looking in his ears (that's his favorite part because he says it feels good), that he could see clear through.  In fact clear to Idaho! LOL! Mr. Blue Eyes also informed the doctor that he knows his cell phone access code. The Doc handed him the phone and sure enough he got the code correct. WE just can't get anything past this cute bald boy. Then the doctor asked his brother if he had any questions. He shook is head no. Without a pause, the Doc started talking rapidly, rambling off things about chemo and mitosis, etc. Little brother was rolling and turned so red laughing his bloody head off!!  We were all laughing, and Mr. Blue Eyes piped in," he cannot understand a word you are saying." In the end, brother stated that Mr. Blue Eyes' doctor is

 Hilarious!!!!! What a gift to bring children joy!

 

Thanks for all the well wishes for the WISHING TREES! We hung them all today. Very Sweet! If you see a little tissue hanging out of his nose, Mr. Blue Eyes had a bloody nose and decided he was rocking the wad in his nose, so I just let him.

Good thing it was a chemo day. We were gone a good part of the day and even fit in a little play date later. The electricity went out just after 8:30 a.m. and came on at 10:00 p.m. We had no notification, so it was a night of candles and quiet. Well at least the house humming was silent, the children inside were not, but what would life be without that kind of insane, good, crazy noise!

Ramblings

A few notes from the mom.... Usually the clinic does not bother me anymore, seeing everyone, all in the same boat, just with different types of problems.  Truly cancer is never a good thing, but we are blessed with a short chemo run and great hopes of a good outcome. Today, however, it pulled at me and left me feeling sad. I ached for the other moms, all with their kids. Then I dropped the little brother at school and went home and shut all the doors to my room and cried. Did I really just take one of our kids to his brother's chemo appointment? The reality is a shocker sometimes. Just when I thought I was A ROCK, I turned to water. This is hard... I have to think that God has a fleet of angels for hospitals. They need them; we all need them. 

Covered and asleep

 

He started out in his own bed for the first time since this all happened. This is what I found.  It was hard, but I got a visual on one ear!  One hour later he had snuck into bed with us.  I can't blame him... 

Kind of Good

Mr. Blue Eyes reports that he is doing kind of good!  I asked him how this chemo was compared to the one three weeks ago. He said it was a 6 instead of a 10 (being the worst) like last time.

He is having a teacher from the district (one he had in first grade, so that is awesome) come in 5 hours a week to keep him learning and on track with the other 4th graders. 

Overall he is hungry, achy, sweet, fun, loving...Oh did i mention he is hungry!

He had fun with his Aunt and Grandma in town to help, they just left early this morning.  He loved that they came to the hospital, and as he reports, he loved everything about them coming. I echo those sentiments. It was a great emotional support for me. Family is priceless.

"Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life no matter what."

Wishing Tree

Click  image to view larger

 

 

I had wondered what all the colorful tags were on the four trees in front of the hospital. Thanks to my sister we all put our wishes on the 
wishing tree.
It was like visiting the sacred and secret thoughts of those who have visited and shared. We adults had tear-filled eyes just reading others' wishes and then writing our own for Corban — tender for sure! If you wish to leave a wish for him, write a comment by Wednesday the
28th and we will hang it on the trees for you.

Giving Back

On the day of chemo this last week we had the brothers go take donations to the hospital. On the day of Corban's spinal fluid test and bone marrow exam, he walked into the procedure room and found a new pillowcase and toy sitting on the bed for him. These little toys and gifts made the journey with procedures so much more bearable for Mr. Blue Eyes.
 Recently, at one of our favorite stores we noticed a huge clearance sale going on, s o we snatched up some great finds for the 
KIDDOS at CITY OF HOPE!
We hope it will give some smiles to those kiddos and brighten their journey.
  I called today and asked what other kinds of items they needed. They need boys things: boys Hot Wheels cars, Legos, Bionicles, soccer balls and basketballs, toy trucks, games, pillowcases, sunglasses, fleece blankets and small quilts (about half the size of a twin sheet, washed in Dreft or Ivory Snow, thoroughly dried and individually packaged into Ziploc bags). They also like gift cards for food, gas, Target, and Walmart.
 The contact at the hospital is Katie 626 930 5430.

Team Corban

A very fun morning for Mr. Blue Eyes. It is the big Chemo Day and some Amazing family members made us all...
Team Corban T- shirts.

Thanks Amers and Rach! First we went over to the clinic to visit with Nurse Georgi :) for some blood draws, picc line dressing change, labs, and then a checkup by the Doctor. Grandma and Auntie got to come. That was very special for Mr.Blue Eyes. They got to meet the doctor and see what he does every week. It was, as always, entertaining to go to the doctor's appointment because our doctor IS SO STINKING FUNNY.
Later that day, once we checked in, Mr. Blue Eyes' blue-eyed brothers came for a visit at the hospital so they could be involved with his treatment and journey. They liked visiting, and it was good for them to see where Corban is and what the kickin' booty treatment is all about!!!

 

 

 

 

Chemo started two nurses later (Julie & Anne) — it was a long wait. At around 10 pm it started! Mr. Blue Eyes was loaded with a fancy patch to help nausea — Zofran and Ativan. By some miracle, he did not get violently ill like last time, he just has not felt good. The night was long. I was up about a dozen times with beeping from the machines, and Mr. Blue Eyes was constantly using the bathroom because of the amount of fluid he received to keep his bladder and kidneys healthy. We survived and will forever be grateful for tender mercies of a day that felt like it would never end.  We are home now, very tired, but doing great overall!  Thanks for the thoughts and prayers... they worked!

Cozy

Long Beach Airport

 

A BIG day today for Mr. Blue Eyes. First a really special visitor, Hanna, came. She has had lymphoma two times and is now Cancer Free.  She is amazing, strong, and beautiful.  She has been heaven SENT and much like an angel. I have felt like God just shared this tender mercy having her come to comfort and talk with Mr.Blue Eyes and me.  For me as a MOM, there are not words for how much it meant to have her visit. He got to see the other side — to know someone else like him. He did not feel so alone today! She talked to him about how they were both strong and special. She shared that she went skydiving when she was done and healthy; she encouraged him to pick something and look forward to it happening. She gave him a homemade cozy silky blanket to help keep his head warm. She hugged him and loved on him. I was lifted higher just watching this happen. It is so easy to sometimes forget that our struggles and trials bless others when we care enough to risk and open our hearts to share. It is a great, great thing to never suffer alone. Thank you, Hanna, for sharing your love and experience with Mr. Blue Eyes.
Then we had a quick trip to the Long Beach Airport to pick up Grandma and Aunt Annie (my twinner) and baby Ella who came to help out for the next 5 days while treatment #4 of chemo takes place. He loves having them here. We all do! When they called to say, "We are on the way,"... I broke down in tears of relief. There is nothing like family.

Mr.Blue Eyes has continued to eat and eat. He is like the very hungry caterpillar. I think he had close to 3000 calories today! Four pieces of toast, 1 bowl of cereal,  2 xx-large burritos, fruit, rice, watermelon, yogurt, chips, treats, and of course Tapatio. We are amused by his hunger and need to eat constantly. He is like a small monster if he is not fed well!!! We say, "Bring it on!" It will help him get through the next few days of not eating so very much.

Then and Now

So, it is true — he was a cute bald baby! 
We decided to get out of the house today. Mr. Blue Eyes was overcome with fear of going in public with a  BALD HEAD!  It was more than he could muster strength to do. I told him that everyone who has seen him has commented on his cute NOGGIN and that All the comments reflected on his blog are positive. I then told him that it may seem weird at first, but if he practices he will get used to it. I encouraged him enough that he finally fell to my swift persuasions. LOL!  Furthermore, the only way to go buy a hat would be to get in the car and drive to the store. We came home with 2 hats that said FEED on them.  He loved that the hats reflected his personality.  Now he seems  much more comfortable with his bald head and he may not end up needing the hats!.

The WINNER IS BALD!!!!

 

 

Thank you for all the votes and comments. Mr. Blue Eyes enjoyed hearing all of them. Last night at 11:30 p.m. he kept complaining that his head was itching. I told him it was likely that his hair was just falling out on his pillow causing it to itch. I told him we could just shave it off. He was in the salon chair so fast I had to run after him. WE shaved the and shaved.  The result. 
A BEAUTIFUL, BALD, BLUE-EYED BOY!
He has seen a few people today, and they all told him he has a good noggin. He does look good bald.  I knew he would — he was such a cute bald baby.

For me as a mom, today was challenging. I know Mr. Blue Eyes has cancer. I know he is getting chemo.  However, until today, he did not look like he had it, except for his picc line. So when I saw him looking out the window today while I was out front, I saw him with cancer for the first time. I saw the effects of the chemo and that his cells are not able to create and renew who he once was.  This chemo better be KICKING CANCERS ROYAL BOOTY!

 I received this from a dear friend in the mail today... It is really fitting for how I am doing.
"Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough." Dinah Shore  

Patchy or Bald???

 

Well, Mr. Blue Eyes has had tons of hair falling out. This morning before his shower, there was a great debate going on in the bathroom. After rubbing his head and having hair flying everywhere into the sink, I suggested we shave it ALL off. Mr. Blue Eyes asked his balding father, "Would you rather be patchy or bald?"  Dad pipes in, "Patchy.  I would keep my hair as long as I could."  MR.BLUE EYES LOOKED AT HIS BALD DAD CONTEMPLATING...then I, being a wise MOM (lol! not really, but I am a hair dresser and patchy is not a good look) say,
 "Just embrace the baldness!"

Mr.Blue Eyes says, "I think I'll go with what Dad says; he's got more experience with this sort of thing!"
Then he jumps in the shower and rubs his head like a wild man; he dances and even has some fun. He jumps out and looks in the mirror. Laughter engulfs the bathroom. He squeals and tells his brother that if he stays in the shower and keeps rubbing, all his hair will be out in one hour. (Of course, Blake, with a different set of priorities, replies, "That would be too big of a water bill."  He's definitely his mother's son.)
I love that Mr. Blue Eyes is so full of life! Today, in this moment, this is fun..... Life can be sweet even when you are going bald (just ask his dad!)

 

 

"I am a partly pelato ('bald' in Italian) person!"
So today if you choose to comment, please vote
Patchy  OR Bald!

Note from Mr. Blue Eyes and a Lecture on HORRIBLE

"How was your day today?"  I asked MR. Blue Eyes.
"Plain horrible all day long."
"Why?" "Because it was just horrible?"  "How did you feel about a horrible day?"
"That it was just Horrible, Horrible is all I have to say. Everything about this day was horrible. Everything!!!!"
Was there anything good about today?"
"Uh, no."
Then I asked him to list the top 5 worst parts of the day:
"Throat hurting, getting a headache, getting a stomachache, having bones hurt and ache, being hungry all the time (steroids are talkin' — they make him really hungry)."

So, there are thoughts from a little man with Lymphoma at nine, not having a good day.

From a mom's perspective, all kids have bad days — for that matter, so do I. But watching this is heartbreaking...to touch his sweet head and have fingertips full of hair in my hand...to watch alligator tears roll down his cute cheeks. It's just not like any horrible day. It is different..

By the end of the night, I reached for an Ativan a pill to help him calm down and feel better. I cooked  him some toast loaded with  butter that he dips in hot sauce.  He then managed to drink a lot of water, over a quart. His words are: "Butter, toast, and Tapatio help everything!" Well, for today, even after horrible there were goodnight prayer and kisses and hopes for a brighter tomorrow.

#3 Chemo DONE!!!

Getting Mr. Blue Eyes out of the door was a challenge this morning.  He did not want to swallow pills or go get chemo.  However, by the time we got to the hospital, he was fine.  The nurses are all so kind.  They are making a difference in lots of little people's lives.  Today we got Nurses Kim and Ginger :).
 They ROCK!!!!

Today while in the hospital I was watching Mr. Blue Eyes play on his Ipad, and I noted that he was crashing a lot while driving on a game.  I told him he would never drive one of my cars from the skills I was currently seeing.  Then he almost killed himself again and miraculously recovered.  He looked at me and he said,
"Never underestimate the Power of Corban."
SO TRUE!

I call this the Airplane picc line. (NO this is not the technical term.) Every week the dressing gets changed and cleaned. It does not bother him too much, just when the tape is coming off and the alcohol goes on
 to clean it. 

Then the DOC. He was dancing and grooving as usual today. Full of fun and laughs for Mr. Blue Eyes.  He definitely found his calling in life.  He was meant to work with kids. Mr. Blue Eyes told me that he is his favorite because he is not only nice but hilarious!
 It just doesn't get better than that!  

This makes me feel better

Mr.Blue Eyes saw this while we were at the pet store today.  He said "This makes me feel better, Mom. It looks just like me getting treated for cancer." He giggled and then found a snake that he got to hold. I asked him how he is doing not going to school with everyone else?  He said, "I am just a little sad."

Beautiful Heartache.......

This is progress.  GOODBYE YOU STINKIN cells that thought you could be immortal in Mr. Blue Eyes' body!
It is hopeful to see the tissue on his side changing. 

We celebrated back to school night out, after checking at the school to see who the kids' teachers were this year. Let's just say we have been loved and taken care of on that end. It seems like the word is spreading fast. The principal stunned me with a huge hug and concern for me and our family.  She looked me in the eye and said, "You know there are sooooo many people praying for him and for your family."  I was so touched!   

The 2 boys go to school. (Going to miss our days together! Love my boyos!)

Huge blessings in prayer in our home this morning before sending these boys back to school.  Dad rocked that! Then I packed 2 lunches, not three, took 2 pictures not three, walked 2 boys to school not three.  My heart hurts......  Yes, I cried just a little.  I hurried back home to not have to fall apart in the public eye.  They all probably thought I had my first starting kinder, because then I did cry. I am that mom.  LOL! 
Then I was thinking of how much this devastating event has rocked our world.  How much you see and find strength in these hard times.  I don't always have it but I know I will. 

This song by Hillary Weeks reminds me of that.  Love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk 

If you watch it on youtube, get a of tissue; you will need it.

STOP!!!!

Mr. Blue Eyes slept in today! It was later than usual for him take his meds. In fact, he had a battle with one pill; it had started to dissolve in his hand, so I just had him toss it out.  I got him a new one.

He was sitting glued to the TV, eating his toast that he dips in HOT SAUCE.  I asked him for the second time if he had taken his pills. He said they were by him. I said, "Please do it so I can watch."  He then threw a pill in his mouth and grabbed for a drink. He grabbed the HOT SAUCE.  I yelled, "STOP!!!!!!!" We all laughed, especially him. That was a close call. I should have let him do it to teach him a thing or two about paying closer attention, but I just didn't have the heart since he was choosing to listen by taking his pill.

I love blogging with a picture so I found one from when he was 4 experiencing some of the many joys life brings. 

Lucky and loved!

 

 

 

Today was OK for Mr. Blue Eyes. At dinner tonight I touched his hair and noticed a couple came out. I also saw a few on his shirt. We talked about it, and since everyone needed a haircut, we decided  we would have a party! I would do some really short back to school haircuts.   Excited, Mr. Blue Eyes hid with a towel on his head.  Then he did a big reveal to everyone!!!
 I even shampooed it for him. He giggled when I conditioned and rubbed his head. It tickled my heart!  Little did I know all the brothers would laugh hysterically when I rubbed their heads. They are definitely related to me. We do not miss a good chance to laugh.

Tonight he asked me if he was the unluckiest kid in our family because he got cancer.  It tugged at my heart strings so deeply. I told him that he is so loved and that this is one of the things he will learn and grow from in his life. He will not be alone; he has God and lots of friends and family that love him.  I assured him that this was not just for his growth but for our entire family.
 He is not unlucky; he is loved!    

 

This is how the City of Hope makes your feel about cancer! 

Colorful

Large movements of people have always touched me deeply. I was living in Alaska when I saw my first one ever. I saw this large crowd of people all moving in a pack. It was part of a triathlon. They were focused and moving fast. It was colorful, beautiful. I was surprised that my eyes welled with tears. I was so touched.

What was touching me?  There is power in large movements of people! 

That is how I feel about Mr. Blue Eyes today and the challenges he is facing.  He is moving on the path quickly, and we are following him.  We are all praying, feeding, loving, medicating, flushing the pick line, offering emotional support, giving, sharing, filling his water cups, etc. We feel this great power and support pushing and pulling us forward. I feel as if GOD has carried me personally more than once on this leg of the path. I have been awed by the support and love that has colored this path so beautifully. We have never been through anything like this before. While I hope they find the magical cure for cancer today, to feel of this type of support and love is as life changing as Mr. Blue Eyes' journey.   I hope all those who have colored our path will be blessed 10 fold. Thank you to our colorful path supporters.

STONG ENOUGH

Mr. Blue Eyes has been a little tired and achy, but he is doing well. We got to spend a lot of time together, just the two of us. It was nice. He really is a fun companion. The # 1,3, and 4 siblings were swept away, off having some fun with friends. We even went to Costco today. He was pushing the cart — after I wiped it with a ton of sanitizing wipes. I looked at him frozen for just a moment. He was pale (OK, just a little more honky white than usual), and I saw his arm wrap with his pick line underneath.  The gravity of that moment was powerful. This is my son; this is Mr. Blue Eyes.  My eyes filled with tears, and I struggled a bit the rest of the day.

I have thought so much about what it means to be strong enough. I have sometimes said in this last month, "I am not strong enough." I only utter these words to my closest of friends and in my prayers, knowing they and God see something greater in me that I do myself. I know God sees some way I can be the mom Corban needs. I am determined to be here for not just Mr. Blue Eyes, but each one of my Blue-Eyed Kiddos.  So I pray for strength every day and I know it will come...

What has gives me strength: prayer, my loving husband, hugs from my blue-eyed crew, a box of sunshine, blankets of love, pictures of Jesus, cards of kindness, being stuck together in a cracker-jack car with all the Costco groceries, laughter, inspiring thoughts, scriptures, dinner and bowling with 007, babysitters,  casseroles, brownies, salads, pine combs, text messages, happy thoughts,  angels, Ipads, friends and sisters.

Corban  being a trooper in the little pooper car! LOL. Next time we take the Uhaul.

Chemo # 2

(click to view photo larger)

Mr. Blue Eyes was treated by nurses Kara and Ginger today and, of course, the funny Doc.  They are so wonderful!  Nurse Kara even sang for Mr. Blue Eyes. It turned his sweet cheeks pink. He refused to make eye contact after that!  Corban said he feels good about today and especially that he will likely not get sick.  This chemo will cause aches and pains. It all went well and we are HAPPPPPY!  We have gone from  being terrified to go to the City of Hope to loving to be there. Everyone else is in the same boat. They or someone they love is there for treatment, hope, for a cure and remission. It is pretty powerful!  

  

Later today I heard Corban tell his cousin over the phone that he gets out of chores on Thursdays because he has chemo. He was so tickled..... LOL. To be nine and see the world so simply, and to not have all the fears adults have.  I love to watch how he responds to his new world.  He could give me a lesson on trusting each day that good will come. 

During this same conversation with his cousin he said, "Let's talk about the three extra months of summer I get!!!" What do you think about since your life changed 2 weeks ago? "My thoughts everyday are to just play."  Do you ever get sad?  "Yes. I just go snuggle with my mommy; most of the time that helps." 

What do you do all day?  " I sit around on my bum." LOL!

What did you think when you found out?" I thought I was too young but I am not because I have it."  His cousin said, "When you go to sleep tonight only let the bugs bite your lymphoma."

Mr. Blue Eyes says, "No, I want the ostriches to bite my lymphoma; they have sharp beaks; they can take out all the bad cells." Then his cousin says, "I really think the angel should take it out with feather scissors so it tickles."

Usually I would have missed this conversation — I would have been cleaning, doing laundry, etc. So he is teaching me a thing or two about living and being present for life.  Thanks, Mr. Blue Eyes.  I love you!