Drum roll please

This summer we have been making up for all the swimming that we did not do last year.  This is a picture of the scar on Mr. Blue Eyes side.  So nice to not have it hurting, oozing, and the

 DRUM ROLL PLEASE

No Cancer!

Scars are reminders of the journey, the bumps the bruises and what life will bring along the way.  This scar will always be with him tucked in his undies(lucky spot to have an ulceration of cancer.) It will also remind him of the strength he found, of the love others gave, and what love he will be able to pay forward in the future. Blessed by the grace and mercy God has given him to become someone different in his battle with cancer.

We have reached the seven month mark!  WOW!  We have such an amazing doctor and staff we see every month for followups.  All of Mr.Blue eyes labs look good, what a relief. There has been a remodel at COH. It is bright a cheery. Mr. Blue Eyes noticed all of the details.
We are  focusing at home on preparing for making up for the summer that we missed last year.
On a mom note this has been a time to reflect on what started happening this time last year. For me the first anniversarys of the past can be a little jolting when I think about them.  I am also filled with a great sense of gratitude for the paths we have been directed to go through prayer and inspiration.  On the 28 th of May we were in the E.R. last year for what began the more intensive part of this journey.

St Baldrick's Foundation

This was a really special day to be a part of.  Mr. Blue eyes was invited to be one of three kids to participate in a fundraiser for the St.Baldrick's Foundation.  http://www.stbaldricks.org/  We went to the City Of Hope and got to meet 3 fire fighters and they showed them around the truck and all the fun stuff involved in that! They got to sit in it also.  Then the best part was that they road to the event in the truck.  Mr. Blue eyes took a bit to come out of his shell but

  HE LOVED IT!

Go to http://www.stbaldricks.org/head-shaving  and watch the video to see the why and how of  tonight's event.

This is Karahs who has leukemia she is so adorable and sweet.  She was brave and put on all the gear!  This is the two of them watching very seriously as the firemen talked!

 The jaws of life!

 The view from the top with all the little kiddo's and firemen!

 Mr.Blue eyes was not very fearful climbing around up there.  Crazy guy!

 Mr.Blue eyes on his way to the event ridding in the fire truck!  

 Renee his awesome social worker from COH!

 Each of the kids got to shave someones head!  Corban got to shave his brothers head.  Kaden really wanted to be a part of it all so they welcomed another shave -e.  It was touching to have so many people care, dontae and shave their heads. From this side it means everything. Having had a kiddo with cancer, I wish no one had to do this.... the other mothers kids both had leukemia and there treatments will be three years. AHHHH that is a LONG TIME.   I am all ready praying for them and there kids. We count our blessings and HOPE for them.  One mother said I feel like I have aged so much.  Those words shot through me and ring true to how I felt as we were in it.

These are the three firemen that were with the kids today.  They all shaved their heads.  They had huge hearts and were so wonderful with the kids.

   Touched by all the good in the world. Reminded we can all make a diffrence... 

 Tonight over 63,000.00 dollars were earned to help support children's cancer research.  

Check up with Dad! Everything looks good!

41/2 month Check up

We had a check up with the AMAZING  Dr. Armenian.  Mr. Blue eyes checked out giggly, wiggly and fine.  We also got to visit with sweet Renee our social worker.  After Attempting several times before Christmas we got our

 City of Hope Christmas

delivered to the hospital thanks to Renee. 

In the waiting room I was reminded how blessed we are to have had Mr. Blue Eyes cancer caught early and cared for by such a great group of people. 

We are BLESSED!

Giggling.....

Finally......Relief

It has been a little over three months since we got the first clear scan.  Since the second clear scan It has finally felt like a 

relief 

to me. 

 I was happy with the results of the first scan but did not completely trust or have the ability at that time to truly feel a sense of relief.  It was far to crazy coming down off the cancer ride to feel much of anything.  I was on some days barley functioning and a bit numb and depressed.
Having some distance from the event has  helped gain perspective and feel secure in life again.  Fear of the unknown had driven me to a place of uncertainty.  I think this is partly normal however I was so afraid that I would loss my little guy even though things looked good for his recovery.  I lost any sense of safety that I once known.   I wanted control, I want to know that everything would be OK.  I am now more certain than ever that this is part of the journey it is a part of finding our own courage to trust in a loving Heavenly Father and the experience of life.
 NO MATTER WHAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
(and this comes with time and with healing and with trusting in the Lord)   

 I have become something more than I once was.  I have become more open, loving, kinder,sensitive, giving and refined.  I am not sure I would scream "please let me have this trail in life, let me watch my son suffer with cancer."  NO I would not but at the same time,  I see that these very experiences have brought me to a new me,  that have expanded my soul.  I have learned that trusting God is not always easy that in order to truly surrender our hearts we have to face the very thing we may have feared the most. 

I now marvel in the
joy
that has crept back into my heart and the laughter that now fills my soul.  I trust, I trust life and I trust in
God.

3 months of cancer FREE!

 

There are  no words for how relieved we are with a clean scan today!!!! 

2013 comes to an END!

Tonight I watched Mr. Blue eyes celebrate New Years, dancing singing and waving signs.  It was a nice reflection from thinking about the worries and sometimes dark days we have been through over the last year. I was happy, happy, happy but there was a twinge in my heart and ache for the year that we and many other have faced.  Suffering and growth that I can not describe accurately.

I am ready to turn the page and shelf the book for a while from 2013.  It triumph was amazing but we are really looking for the new normal to feel more normal.  I am not sure that happens....

The worries and struggles of life are there regardless of having cancer or not.  We really need to live each day to the fullest.  We are Feeling a heart full of blessing that we have life to live.. This life is all about, loving, family, friends, relationships, growth, enjoying, learning and having faith.  Since this is life it means that sometimes we will suffer. That was a tough year of suffering.    We are so thankful for all the support  from the heavens and the strength and support that has been rendered to our family.

Welcoming 2014!

 

He got his Christmas wish the country for Christmas and playing in the snow.  Truly priceless!

 

City of Hope Christmas

We have put a lot of thought into how we can give back and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.  We settled on making pillow cases and buying and making some blankets for the hospital.  It has made the season more meaningful helping us to focused on what is most important.  Mr. Blue Eyes has been sewing his little heart out.  So touching even for me,  I was not sure if it would take hold in my children but it has especially for him.  So this is his tower of peace, love and good will to the children at City of Hope!  For me as a mom it has been therapeutic remembering the blankets and pillowcases we were given during this truly difficult time.  We all can make a difference one step and one day at a time. Tonight my ache fingers would say one pin prick at a time!
It truly matters and I know more than ever that these gifts for the children transcend the actual physical representation that they hold.... They offer hope, thoughts of  love and good will of others for there healing and recovery.

 

The above pillow cases were made by a youth group from our church friends that we took for them. 

 

Here are a few of the pillowcases that we took. 

Shepard

He is really looking grown up..... Maybe it's the Hair

Mr. Blue eyes is on the right as a Shepard!

The sun is out and it is not nearly cold enough outside but we are enjoying the season and a healthy boy.  He still really struggles to focus in school but the greatest event of this week that is very positive is that he has fallen asleep a couple of time on his own at night. I go check him frequently and that seems to reassure him that he is OK.  He still sneaks into our room sometime during the night but we will celebrate baby steps..   Last week he was a wise man in our own church nativity, and we also attended another nativity in our community that was beautiful he really loved the music. What a great time of year it is more tender and meaningful after the year we have had.

 

 

Documenting with Photos

 

 

 

We love the pictures and always want to remember the Mr.Blue Eyes that fought and won his battle with Cancer.  Thanks Cherri Anne for taking these for us.

Reflective

 

A sweet Friend to our family offered to take pictures for us to document this season of our lives.   I love this picture of Mr. Blue Eyes and his sister.  The picture is reflective and that is how I feel today.  I sat down to write our Christmas letter and tears poured down my checks.  What a year it has been, what news to share.
  We have all grown so much this year.  Ways we would not have guessed we could have.  Especially Mr. Blue Eyes and his parents have seriously experienced our soul expanding.
I just happened to look at the overview of Mr. Blue Eyes blog today I have written 100 post.  I was so shocked but even more shocked that we have had over 20,000 page views his blog and journey.  It makes me feel so translucent to be this open as it is truly not in my nature.   I quickly remind myself that  this is for someone else too, for someone who may need to not feel so alone in there own journey with this disease.  This disease is bigger than the transparency I wish I could hide.  It is not a journey anyone should travel alone. 

LIttle sick turkey....

 

This was Mr. Blue on this Thanksgiving he had the stomach flue and was sick most of the day. 

Two Month...... Cancer free Check up

 

 

Mr.Blue Eyes was shy today with the staff and his doctor.  The appointment snuck up on us.  A lot has gone during the last month.  He is settling into things as well as he can for all he has been through.
He is still struggling to sleep independently, his ability to focus and his appetite is still not as it used to be he is actually eating less than ever now. Don't think he has giving up on Tapatio though he still loves that.  As far as his physical health is going he has had one cold since going back to school and seems to have gotten through that.  His blood count was lower today at a 4 but Dr. Armenian said that that is OK and he is doing fine even though this reading is lower than last month.  We loved seeing our nurses and are bummed to find out that our blood draws are now going to be in a different location so we will not be seeing them every month now.  We will really miss them they have been so good to Mr.Blue Eyes.
It was nice to be reassured by the doctor that every thing seems normal and good.
From my perspective this was a ponderous appointment.  It has been two months since the scan came back clear of cancer.  Wow!  It is actually starting to feel like more of a relief now, it helps to have more distance from that day.   Hopefully we will see in next months scan that the same holds true.
Feeling very blessed to be sitting with these 
thoughts of gratitude today.

Fuzzy

 

Mr. Blue Eyes is getting a full head of fuzzzzzy hair.  It is so soft and fun to rub.  I will however really have to say that though it has represented cancer in its raw visual form.  I did love the sweet bald head.  It was a treat to rub and hug and even admire.

Bald Buddies

 

 

 Not a lot of words for the tenderness I feel around this day two weeks ago.  A great friend of mine that I had posted about earlier on the blog recently got breast cancer was over at the house today.  She arrived with only 1/3 of the hair on her head that had fallen out in just the 4 days since I last saw her.  Her daughters came with her and her sister joined also.  We made the best of what can be so hard into a party.  We laughed shaved a Mohawk and even bicked it.  I had colored a wig for her two times trying to bring it blond enough.  I had stressed over it and quite frankly prayed over it.  I had not touched a wig since I was trained as a Cosmetologist.  Prayer and a little bit of skill  payed off she left feeling great.  She was brave, strong and courageous.  So proud of her I know today was not a day she had looked forward to.  Mr Blue eyes was cute with her so here is to two very beautiful bald heads.

Giving Thanks

This year I really wanted the kids to be more mindful of  the meaning of gratitude and being
 THANKFUL. It was 19 days late to get it done but we have a tree of thanks now to help us to be more mindful of our blessings.
The echoes of the journey still resinate loud in my soul.  I know now that they do for our whole family.  As the kids starting righting things they were thankful for to hang on our Tree of Thanks this is what came. Thank you for Dr. Armenian, City of Hope, Prayer, Nurses, Life, food, tapatio, family, God, undies, ect......

 

This was Mr. Blue Eyes bundle of thanks that he wrote...

 We certainly are feeling the emence graduated of a recovery from Mr. Blue Eyes Lymphoma. It has been a time of thanks that has brought on a whole new meaning of what is truly important.  Reflective and ever grateful for the power of  Heaven that gave us all the strength to endure.