Finally......Relief

It has been a little over three months since we got the first clear scan.  Since the second clear scan It has finally felt like a 

relief 

to me. 

 I was happy with the results of the first scan but did not completely trust or have the ability at that time to truly feel a sense of relief.  It was far to crazy coming down off the cancer ride to feel much of anything.  I was on some days barley functioning and a bit numb and depressed.
Having some distance from the event has  helped gain perspective and feel secure in life again.  Fear of the unknown had driven me to a place of uncertainty.  I think this is partly normal however I was so afraid that I would loss my little guy even though things looked good for his recovery.  I lost any sense of safety that I once known.   I wanted control, I want to know that everything would be OK.  I am now more certain than ever that this is part of the journey it is a part of finding our own courage to trust in a loving Heavenly Father and the experience of life.
 NO MATTER WHAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
(and this comes with time and with healing and with trusting in the Lord)   

 I have become something more than I once was.  I have become more open, loving, kinder,sensitive, giving and refined.  I am not sure I would scream "please let me have this trail in life, let me watch my son suffer with cancer."  NO I would not but at the same time,  I see that these very experiences have brought me to a new me,  that have expanded my soul.  I have learned that trusting God is not always easy that in order to truly surrender our hearts we have to face the very thing we may have feared the most. 

I now marvel in the
joy
that has crept back into my heart and the laughter that now fills my soul.  I trust, I trust life and I trust in
God.