First day of school..

Mr.Blue eyes first day of of 5th grade! He got the perfect teacher he is so excited!

Last year just two boys walked to school(see picture below) while Mr. Blue Eyes was in cancer treatment. It was hard to watch, it made me much more emotional than I had expected.  I always torture the kids with excessive amount of photos trying capture these special moments in life.  This morning was no exception to my hobby of preserving these memories.

This picture was just taken for my heart to do some mending.

I loved this day, I loved seeing them walk together and I truly cherished something greater than I have in years prior to him getting cancer.  So perhaps another gift along the way is to appreciate more fully and perhaps in a different capacity these moments in life.  

Summer at a Glance

Summer is coming to a close it was a great one for Mr. Blue Eyes. Friends, GOOD HEALTH,swimming,sun,sun lotion on the honky white body, beach,boogie boarding, brother and sister time together.

Check up with ZEEE DOC!

 We did not do a blood draw this month, we have been so busy we did not get it done. Yikes!  It is harder now that our insurance won't allow us to go to City Of Hope for blood draws.   It is two separate apt. every month.   The check up went well and we will go back next month.  ZEEE DOC is so funnyMr. Blue Eyes always talks about how fun it is to be there and see him.  He truly has a gift especially for kids.  Laughter always makes life better!   We took toys for the kids today and brought our doctor some tomatoes from the garden. It was just one year ago this month that we had started chemo.  It is really nice to just be doing check ups!

Proud moment when Mr. Blue Eyes saw this picture because he crossed his eyes for the first time on film.

Fresh on the HEART

A friend of mine said today that this season of time between now and the beginning of Mr. Blue eyes journey with Cancer must still be fresh on the Heart.  I felt her compassion and validation for what I have been feeling but have shared with few.
So here I find myself once again vulnerable to what life brought us and brings us daily.  This summer was not just and average roller coaster ride, it was one of slow motion and low speeds, dirt, grim and sorrow for the soul of this mother. Not the kind of sadness and worry of last year but something new. First and for most gratitude for a healthy Mr.Blue eyes.  But secondly deep depression for the fight and ride that was ridden and fought fiercely not with medicine but with the heart and soul that only a mother can understand. Hanging on gripping tight to faith, God, family and friends. The passing of the summer brought memories of the discovery phase from last year of cancer with its intense emotional pull on the heart. I don't think when we are in crisis mode we can process all of what is happening.  However when the ends and life gets back to the new normal then you as a mother have to process, not push back what you don't want to remember or feel but truly embrace and except that was ruff', it was hard.  I just need to validate that even with a ton of support, faith and love that this was Tough.   Without thinking or even dwelling on it my body was living the blues this summer, it was tired from emotions of last year. Now I am better after some Therapy,self love and Herbal depression medication and time passing. LOL!  I know that not every mother is like me some are less emotional and process these situations differently. However I know that many will feel as I have felt and  I hope now they feel that it is OK because sometimes we just need time to heal when things are fresh on the heart.